


Pain in the Ass

by lacunaxx



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Keith (Voltron), Coran Isnt Mentioned Sadly, Everyone's Favorite Space Gays, Hunk is an Innocent Bean, I Havent Watched Voltron Yet, Kinda Got Insult-Happy, Klance is Great, Lance is Bi but Not Mentioned, M/M, Pidge Has Gender Neutral Pronouns, Pidge and Allura Ship It, Smut is Difficult to Write for a Show Youve Never Watched, Top Lance (Voltron), everyone is aged up, plot if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 03:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11546658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacunaxx/pseuds/lacunaxx
Summary: Keith had always been a pain in the ass. He was stubborn, rude, forever grumpy, and a full on dickhead. With that stupid mullet of his, Lance couldn't bear seeing his smart-ass every day.Lance had always been a pain in the ass. He was idiotic, thick-skulled, too flirtatious, and a complete moron. With those stupid jokes of his, Keith couldn't bear seeing his dumbass every day.





	Pain in the Ass

**Author's Note:**

> My new contribution to the Klance community! I haven't watched Voltron yet, so OOC parts should be expected. I wrote this solely based on other fics I have read, plus a quick skim over their personalities on Wiki. Warning, there's swearing every like, five words? I had fun with the insulting names, oops.

Keith had always been a pain in the ass. He was stubborn, rude, forever grumpy, and a full on dickhead. With that stupid mullet of his, Lance couldn't bear seeing his smart-ass every day.

Lance had always been a pain in the ass. He was idiotic, thick-skulled, too flirtatious, and a complete moron. With those stupid jokes of his, Keith couldn't bear seeing his dumbass every day.

But now, as the Paladins sat in a circle, they couldn't run from each other.

“Oh, come on, Mullet Head! It's just a fucking game, lighten up,” Lance huffed at Keith, seeing as he was refusing to take any part in the game, even though it was his turn. In turn, the boy got a glare from both Shiro and Keith. “Watch your language, Lance,” Shiro, also referred to as Space Dad, scolded. The Cuban boy rolled his eyes and returned the leer that was aimed his way.

Ah, the game they were playing. Lance had obviously thought of it, running into the room with a shit-eating grin on his face. Somehow, he had gotten Allura to agree to play, which made his hopes rise in getting a chance with her. The actual game, however, was really just a mixture of Truth or Dare, Spin the Bottle, Seven Minutes in Heaven, and Go Fish.

Each player has five cards, and it goes on like regular Go Fish. Yet instead of  _ saying _ 'Go Fish,’ that player had to spin a bottle in the middle of the circle. Whoever it lands on asks them 'Truth or Dare.’ But, there are no limitations to the questions or dares, which is where the Seven Minutes in Heaven comes in. Depending on the severity of the Truth or Dare, the number of minutes rises if the one told to answer or do whatever was said refuses to oblige. And, if they don't do what has been said, they're stuck in a closet with whoever's name is pulled from a bowl.

Keith had been forced into it, everyone squawking at him to play. A mumbled string of curses and scolding from Shiro, he reluctantly agreed to join. Yet, now, instead of spinning the bottle, as he had no cards Pidge had asked him for, he just sat with a grimace while Lance screeched at him.

“Shut the fuck up, moron,” growled Keith, cutting off Shiro’s fatherly, but useless, complaint to the language. He trained his dark gaze upon the brown-haired dodo.

Lance snorted, his lips quirking up as he thought of a way to taunt the pale dingus. “Aw, is little Keithy-Weithy too much of a little chicken to spin the bottle?”

Ok, he fucked up.

“The fuck did you just say, dipshit?” Keith narrowed his eyes before gazing at the bottle, resting in the middle of the circle. He contemplated his choices of who it could land on, then looked around the circle.

Allura was staring at the two, then began shaking her head and rubbing her temples, as if a migraine was forming. Pidge repeatedly rolled their eyes, their sexual tension radar going off. Hunk sat off to the side, watching the argument with wide eyes. Shiro had given up and was mirroring Allura’s actions, mumbling something of, “Why do I even try anymore?” Then there was Lance, all smug that he had gotten to Keith's head.

_ Fuck it,  _ the pale boy thought, scowling before curling his fingers around the glass bottle. How had they even gotten it, anyway?  _ Whatever,  _ Keith growled mentally, then flicked the bottle to spin around again and again.

_ Don't land on Lance. Don't land on Lance,  _ played over in his mind, while the Cuban boy chanted just the opposite.  _ Land on me. Land on me. _

As seconds passed, the bottle slowed.  _ Allura, Pidge, Hunk…. Fuck! _ It had landed on Lance.

_ Bingo,  _ the latter thought, a devilish glint in his blue eyes. “So, Mullet Head, looks like luck isn't on your side,” Keith flipped him the middle finger, “Truth or Dare?”

The question was simple, asked by many children upon Earth. But with Lance, it was a nightmare to choose. He decided on Truth, using logic to know that it was safer, especially having seen the Dares given to the others.

“ **I dare you to eat food goo from Hunk’s belly.** ”

“ **I dare you to have a full on makeout session with Shiro, grinding included.** ”

“ **I dare you to give each other a hickey.** ”

And the list went on.

Sighing grumpily, Keith stared at Lance with those dark, abyss-like eyes of his. The hickeys upon Shiro and Allura’s necks were visible still, causing Keith to mentally cringe.  _ Stupid fucking game. _

“Truth,” He spoke, making Lance frown for a split second before smirking again.  _ Shit. _ The latter tapped his chin, seemingly searching for a question to ask, though he already had one in mind.

Cocking his head to the side, Lance innocently asked, “Do you masturbate, and if you do, what  _ exactly _ do you think about?” The question made everyone in the circle gawk at him, Hunk choking on his saliva as he heard it.  _ Ah, what an innocent guy. _

Keith's brows furrowed, his jaw parted.  _ That little fucking perv.  _ “I'm not gonna fucking answer that, dumbass.” His eyes were narrowed again, set to a glare as they remained fixed on Lance. With a chuckle, the Blue Paladin spoke, “Then choose a name out of the bowl, Mullet Head.”

Pidge reached behind themself, grabbing the bowl. It was full of small slips of some type of material, with everyone's name written on a few of them. Each name was put in about three times, giving each person a three out of eighteen chance to be shoved in the closet with. “I'd say the time would be around twenty-five minutes,” Pidge said bluntly, mixing the contents of the bowl.

Everyone but Lance and Keith nodded. They only stared at each other, a silent challenge erupting between them.

“Fine,” mumbled Keith, not breaking the eye contact. Then, he looked to the bowl of names.

Who would he rather be stuck with? Allura would smack him if he tried anything. He prefered guys, anyway. Both he and Pidge would refuse to do anything, they were more like family than anything. Hunk would just want a long hug and be done with it, being the cuddly, innocent one he was. Shiro was great, but he'd rather not do anything with him, as he was like a fatherly elder brother. But, again, the last choice was Lance.

Keith would rather have Allura beat the shit out of him than be stuck with that imbecile.

He inhaled deeply, letting it out before closing his eyes and reaching into the bowl. Rummaging around for a few heartbeats, Keith finally latched onto a small slips of the paper-like material before pulling it out. His eyes slid open as he read the name scrawled onto the material in his hands.

It was.. himself?

Pidge laughed, snorting quietly before turning to Lance. “What do we do if this happens,” They asked.

The brown-haired male blinked, then pursed his lips. “Spin the bottle and whoever it lands on gets to pick the second name. Mr. Mullet here can't go in there himself, there's no fun in that.” Keith shot him a glare, but obliged anyways. It spun around and around before finally landing on Allura. She tilted her head to the side for a moment before reaching in, like Keith had done, her eyes closed.

This time, when the slip was chosen, it read the most horrifying name of all.

“Lance.”

Pidge burst out laughing, holding their stomach and ignoring the glares sent their way. Lance and Keith both looked at the material as Allura showed them, seeing that it did, indeed, have Lance's name written.

Keith begrudgingly stomped to the designated closet, his lip curled in a scowl. Lance followed soon after he flicked Pidge's forehead, making them yelp and stop laughing. Hunk walked up and closed the door, locking it. “Twenty-five minutes starts now,” He said.

Pidge snickered, speaking loud enough for the two to hear as they said, “At least the sexual tension will go away.” Both Keith and Lance responded with a “I heard that,” then looked at each other in the small closet space, lit only by a light on the floor.

A few minutes passed before Keith spoke, “Dickwad.” Lance turned from where he was gazing at the door, waiting for time to pass. “What?”

The raven-haired male unfolded his arms, stepping closer to the other. “I know we hate each other with every little atom within our bodies, but how about we put on a little show so Pidge will shut the fuck up about this ‘sexual tension’ bullshit?”

That made Lance think. Yeah, he was pretty tired of Pidge going on about that, but he didn't want to do anything like _ that _ with the goddamn Red Paladin! He hesitated, then sighed, nodding. “Fine. But only a little makeout.”

Keith smirked, pulling Lance closer. “Then get it over with, dipshit,” He said, hopping up to have the Cuban hold him against the wall. Lance hissed before moving his lips closer to Keith's, moving at an annoyingly slow pace. “Oh, for fuck's sake.” The shorter boy threaded his fingers into Lance's hair before slamming their lips together impatiently, teeth clashing for a moment.

_ Holy shit.  _ He'd never have thought that the idiot’s lips would be so..  _ soft.  _ Barely chapped, smooth, and oh-so-deliciously soft. As the blue-eyed boy recovered from the slight shock, Keith began to massage their lips together, stifling away a growing sound of  _ pleasure. _

Lance's thoughts all blew from his mind as his lips were suddenly collided with Keith's, not wanting to admit it, but  _ fuck  _ they felt amazing. Soft, yet slightly rough, oddly like a cat’s tongue, almost. He really didn't know how to describe them, as currently they were against his, doing  _ wonders _ to his mind.

He began to push back, reflecting Keith's actions. After a while, Lance allowed his tongue to wriggle from his mouth, prodding at the raven's lower lip. When he finally got the message, Keith dropped his jaw enough to allow the Blue Paladin’s tongue to slip inside. As their tongues curled and twisted together, Keith couldn't fight away the tiniest of moans from escaping.

Lance quickly pulled back, his breath heavy. “Did you just-” He began, but was cut off by Keith. “Shut up and just keep kissing me.”  _ I'd be happy to _ , Lance thought, leaning in again, a small, fond smile twitching at his lips.

The raven nipped at his bottom lip, causing him to yelp and tighten his hold on his ass.  _ When did his hands move there, _ he questioned mentally, then didn't dwell on it because  _ fuck  _ Lance’s mouth was latched onto his neck and  _ fuck  _ did it feel good. No, not good;  _ heavenly _ .

Keith's hands slid up Lance's shirt, almost of their own accord, feeling the muscles twitching beneath his delicate fingertips. Gulping, he let himself go as to, as they had said, put on a show for the others. Breathy moans and short whimpers resonated from his throat, each and every one seeming to have a very positive effect on Lance, as he had scrambled to remove Keith's shirt before tugging at raven hair, exposing more of his pale skin.

Hickeys were littered upon the entirety of his neck, a few stray ones making their way across his jaw and collarbones. A light, uncertain hand made its way towards his groin, causing his breath to hitch. “Lance,” Keith groaned softly, and the Cuban boy's mind went on autopilot at the sound.

Lance palmed Keith's bulge, feeling the length through his pants. Watching the raven's face closely, he absorbed every little sound that emitted from the boy, engraved every expression he made. An oddly placed, but genuine smile played at his mouth, his reddened and swollen lips curled up as he watch his so-called archnemesis. Leaning closer, Lance began to suck on Keith's neck again, drawing another erotic moan from him.

A light flashed through the closet, blinding the two. “Shit,” They said in unison, their jaws hung open, eyes wide. Hunk screamed, his innocence completely ruined. Shiro's face was a bright red, and he seemed like he was about to scream as well. Pidge and Allura were giggling as they looked at the picture that Pidge had taken.

Lance quickly dropped Keith, who slid on his shirt and ignored his raging hard-on. They glared at the others, huffing and coming out of the closet. The two Paladins turned their gazes to each other, sharing the same thought. _Why were they so disappointed?_ _Wasn't it just to put on a show?_

The others watched them carefully, awaiting their next moves. Well, Hunk was rocking back and forth in a corner, holding his head in his hands. Pidge snickered at his reaction to witnessing such an act, then spun around to see Keith grabbing Lance by the wrist. They raised a brow, then stifled another laugh as Keith mumbled something along the lines of, “We need to.. talk” before tugging Lance away.

The raven dragged Lance to his room, immediately pulling him to the bed in a passionate kiss. Keith ripped off his shirt, doing the same to the other’s. Belts were thrown, and banter was done. Then, once Keith's pants sat  _ off _ of his body, they resumed their earlier events.

Lance kissed down the Red Paladin's body, stopping once he reached the large bulge resting within his boxers. Surprisingly, Keith whined, trying to gain friction. His hips bucked in the slightest as he felt the delicious warmth of Lance's breath, a shiver soaring up his spine. After placing a kiss to Keith's navel, the Cuban pulled down the red boxers that confined all the glorious places.

Keith wasn't too large, but he wasn't small, either. He wasn't monstrously giant like some people wanted their dicks to be, for some strange reason. A dusting of raven hair grew along the base of his cock, which was hard, and veiny, and slightly paler than the rest of his body. Smiling, Lance took a peek at his entrance. It looked tight, almost like a-

“Wait, are you a virgin?”

Keith's body erupted in many different shades of red. He looked away, muttering a quick, “Yeah.” That made Lance smile more, and now he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.  “The Great and Powerful Mullet Head hasn't ever gotten laid,” He chuckled, teasing the flushed male.

“Shut up.” Keith tried to glare at Lance, but only looked as if he were a small, grumpy child. “Is Keithy-Weithy embarrassed?” The Cuban’s tone was an octave lower, dropping to a husky purr as he thought of  _ all  _ the things he could make Keith feel for the first time.

_ But did he even want to go all the way?  _ Lance's face gained a look of uncertainty, then he shoved it away. “If you want to stop, just say so,” He said, an unexpected, yet caring glimmer coming to his blue eyes. Smiling, Lance dipped his head and placed a kiss upon Keith's length. The raven gasped and whined, staring down at the brown-haired boy.

“Fuck.” Keith bit his already bruised lips, his head falling back. With a silent laugh, Lance took the base of Keith's cock into his hand, encasing the head with his mouth.

_ Shit. _ That hot, wet,  _ brilliant _ mouth. And the  _ tongue _ felt utterly amazing as it dug into his slit, then lapped at the gathering precum. Keith was already panting, the tiniest of moans whirling from his gaping mouth. He moved a hand down, entangling it in Lance's hair.

It was almost ironic, really. The stubborn, rude and always grumpy Keith was falling apart beneath him, just from his mouth.  _ I haven't even truly done anything to him yet! _

Lance's head sunk down, Keith's cock sliding back to hit the back of his throat. He swallowed, forcing away a gag as he heard Keith let out a throaty moan. “Fuck,” echoed throughout the room, the swear being followed by a whimper. “If you don't stop I'm gonna cum down your fucking throat.” That earned a laugh.

Keith pushed Lance's mouth away, his breath labored and pupils blown. A shudder stalked its way up his spine as a sudden chill was wisping across his dick. He panted, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth.

“Do you want to sto-”

“Fuck me.”

“Wait, what?”

The raven rolled his lust-filled eyes, frowning. “I said, fuck me,” He repeated. A gasp emitted from Lance, utter shock gracing through him. After a few awkwardly silent moments, the Blue Paladin transformed into a smug, yet admittedly sexy, shithead. “Yes, Your Highness,” Lance drawled.

Before Keith could respond, his lips were covered in Lance's, his voice being lost in a moan. As the kiss went on, the Cuban maneuvered his pants to the floor, boxers following in pursuit. He pulled away, looking around the room. “Do you have anything we could use as lube? Or any condoms?”

“What do you think, dipshit? We're in space, why would I have those,” Keith replied, annoyance laced in his tone. The raven scowled, crossing his arms as he saw Lance begin to laugh. “Shut up or I'm gonna do this myself.”

“I wouldn't mind seeing that,” Lance murmured, cocking his head to the side. Keith just stared, then smirked devilishly. “Okay,” He purred, his gaze trained on the other as he slowly slid three fingers to his mouth. Lance yelped, his jaw falling open.

_ What the.. _ The brown-haired boy then widened his eyes as Keith pressed a slicked digit to his entrance. Lance's throat felt parched, hearing the raven's moan once it slid past the first ring of muscle.

As spit wasn't the best of choices to use as lube, Keith's nose scrunched in slight pain from the stretch. He bent his knees, showing himself off to Lance, slowly beginning to thrust his finger in and out of his hole.

_ Holy fuck, _ thought Lance, unable to look away. Soon enough, the raven fought the pain and had three fingers wriggled into himself. Moans, whines and whimpers escaped his lips, until he looked pointedly at Lance. “I'm ready,” Keith said, his voice almost strained from the pleasure coursing through his veins.

With a gulp, the frozen boy finally broke from his trance, nodding. He stuttered, “Okay,” before scanning the room. Lance's eyes settled on a bottle of strange lotion, and thinking nothing of it, he rushed to grab it. Resting between Keith's legs, he lathered a fair amount of lotion onto his throbbing cock.

“Shit,” He moaned, the much-needed friction feeling like Heaven. After wrenching his hand away from his neglected length, Lance positioned it at Keith's awaiting entrance. “Are you sure you want this? I don't want to hurt you,” the tan boy asked, frowning with concern.

“I've almost been killed multiple times, I think I can take your fucking dick up my ass.”

“Oh,” mumbled Lance, not knowing how to reply. After hesitating a few moments, he finally teased Keith's hole before pushing in. It slid in with some resistance, both letting out their own husky groans at the feel. “God, you're tight.” Keith let a rare smile play at his lips, chuckling, “And I have your dick inside me.”

Lance laughed at that, burning the image of Keith's smile into his mind. As he bottomed out, almost panicking every time Keith's face contorted in slight pain, he leaned down and kissed the raven. A moan vibrated from Keith, muffled only by his mouth. Their eyes slid shut, breaths mixing together from the close proximity.

“Move,” Keith rasped, hooking his legs around Lance's waist.

“Are you positive?”

“Yes, I'm positive, now fuck me!”

Well, Lance didn't need to be told again. Pulling out to where the only thing keeping them together was a thin string of precum, he whispered, “As you wish, Your Highness,” before thrusting back in. A loud  _ smack _ echoed through their ears, followed by a scream of pure ecstasy.

Keith's head flew back, nails leaving angry red marks upon the other's back once a near brutal pace had been set. Lance grunted with the effort, angling each thrust differently to find those little bundle of-

“ _ Wah _ ! What the fuck was that?”

“That, Your Highness, was your prostate,” Lance answered, almost immediately. He waited a few heartbeats before pounding into the same spot, his cock brushing it with every thrust. Keith nearly  _ screamed _ with each thrust, his vision streaking white while his eyes rolled back.

A high pitched, squeaky whine made its way from the raven as Lance pulled out, only to yelp once he was flipped over and shoved against the wall. “What the fu- ah!” Lance had suddenly pushed back in, growling as if he were an animal.  _ Fuck. _

Once he felt the other’s teeth sink into his shoulder, only hard enough to bruise, Keith lost it. Spurts of stringy, white cum burst onto the wall, a sharp scream being cut off from how  _ loud _ his voice had become. He fell limp against Lance, allowing the Cuban to finish off.

“Inside,” Keith croaked, catching Lance off guard.

“What?”

“Cum inside me, jackass.”

Lance jerked in surprise, but obliged to the raven's command as he thrusted erratically, burying his face into Keith's neck once he came. “Shit,” He breathed, smiling fondly. “Agreed.”

Gently pulling away, the Blue Paladin lifted Keith into his arms, pecking his tired lips and settling onto the bed. “We can shower after we cuddle, you must be sore,” Lance explained, holding the shorter male tightly and pulling a blanket over themselves.

“Y’know, you're such a pain in the ass,” slurred Keith, yawning, “literally.”

“You are too, but I like it that way.” Lance smiled and watched the raven snuggle closer to him, his blue eyes full of adoration. “Mullet Head.”

“Wait, why did you ask me about masturbating,” the raven asked, raising a sleepy brow. Lance pulled a small laugh, shrugging. “I dunno. Now go to sleep, Your Highness.”

“Okay.” And they slipped into a comfortable sleep, curled up in each other's arms.

Meanwhile, Hunk and Shiro were attempting to bathe in something that was similar to bleach on Earth, the rather loud sounds engraved in their minds. Pidge and Allura were snickering, giving each other a high five once Pidge stopped the sound recording they had begun when Lance and Keith had disappeared. “Maybe they'll finally shut the fuck up,” Pidge snorted, crossing their arms and laughing.


End file.
